Wet Neck!

The other morning I was just sitting minding my own business, waiting for the front window to be opened when She comes along and picks me up, I’m not a great one for a cuddle even if She’d like me to be.

Normally I am lifted off the ground because She doesn’t want me there, I’m about to be put behind a closed door for some bazaar reason, shopping arriving, chats on the doorstep. Then there are the other times. When I get put on a table!


This time my collar and cat tags were removed. Not a good sign in the slightest. I do my best to scrunch up my shoulders so there can’t be a patch of skin visible anywhere on my body, especially in the keenly sought after shoulder blades, back of neck area. But She continues to try to part my fur as I squirm and wriggle.

The battle continues for quite a few minutes until She feels She has succeeded.

Sulky tail

No matter what I do I can’t quite get to my wet neck. My fur tingles and this feeling gradually creeps across the whole of my body. Scratching the offending area doesn’t seem to help, but I continue to do it. My legs shrink and seem to be doing an impersonation of Bogey nose stumpy Alan only more so.

Even though She’s been evil to me, I like to stay close, incase She says it was a mistake and takes back the horrible tingly cold stuff. But She doesn’t. She never does.


The only good thing about my situation is I get to be very very quiet for a couple of days. No cat tags means no bell and I can sneak up behind them and give them a jump. She says there are more advantages like not getting fleas or ticks. But I thought ticks were good things and quite often come along with a gold star.

Now where was I?


Tilly Too and me

Tilly Too and I have been wandering about things for a while, mostly about outsides. This inside has two outsides, one at the front and the other out the back. The other day a Tom came with a very wet brush. He swept the front windows, leaving them all very very wet. But then a short while later he appeared in the back outside and gave the windows there a wet sweep too. How did he do that? Get from the front to the back without using the inside?!

His wet brush at the front

For obvious reasons (Bogey nose stumpy Alan) I far prefer the front outside. She now opens up a window so that I can come and go as I like most days. My intake of Dreamies is increasing nicely!

Quite often Shoes is about so has to be sneaked past, but sometimes he spots me and this necessitates a quick dash back in through the window. He’s no where near as quick as me.

Then at the back

Shoes got shooed away the other day, She wasn’t too pleased with him scratching at the lawn. We all knew why he was scratching at it, She thinks it was in protest at having a new neighbour, me! Tom now has to be careful where he treads when cutting the grass, so as not to step in anything. She thinks they should have a word with Shoes She or Tom as the protests he leaves are not of the right consistency. Tilly Too has been posted to keep an eye on him.

Tilly Too keeping guard of the front lawn

Anyway. The other day I was quite busy out the front exploring and had a wander down the hill a bit. A gap between the other insides (which I’m not allowed in) showed itself, so as I was curious I went for a little look. Well blimey all these insides all have front and back outsides. Soon I realised that it was a little bit familiar. Then the next one was a lot familiar, it was my back outside. I had found an outerconnection!

An Outerconnection!

Tom spotted me and opened up the back door, it’s handy having staff. Now could someone PLEASE go and close that window, it’s getting cold in here!


Every morning they open their door, then beep my door, then tape my door open for me. This seems to be a ritual that they take in turns doing. I think it’s because they have become lazy since they stopped moving the outside and can’t be bothered to open my door for me when ever I want to use it.

Open it!!

Because the other door has a malfunction they have to open the big door and leave it propped open for me. I’m sure if they could be bothered they could tape that one too!

In the mornings this is all fine, I go and check the back outside, keeping an eye out for the neighbours then return a while later for my morning snooze.

That’s as it should be

In the afternoons however I’m not so keen on the back outside. Bogey Nose and Betty sit on their shed and gloat at my lack of shed, so I’ve given up going out there until I can have a shed of my own.

A good selection of sheds to choose from there

Thank you Mungo and Dog for offering to share your She shed. Thank you also to Smudge for sending me a photo to check out the available sheds in the Oxfordshire outside. At the moment I am hoping She and Tom come up with a better solution than the bit of plastic roof I have been offered, they did wash it down for me, but it’s positively shady, so what’s the point in that?! I am open to other offers of sheds.

Anyhow. My afternoon snooze has been disturbed a couple of times. The sheer front of some cats! Bogey Nose started it at the back too!! He thought I wouldn’t be able to hear him, he has no cat tag or bell. But I am the one who hears otters silently gliding in water, so a stumpy legged bogey faced fatty climbing in through my door and then poking his nose around the corner was guaranteed to wake me and was most certainly not welcome!

A few days later I caught Betty trying to do like wise. This simply isn’t on! I don’t try going through their door!

Cat tag access only

Luckily they back away when I hiss and spit at them. She then goes and closes the doors behind them saying my doors are only for cats with cat tags, Cats from the cut. She then says if only I’d learn how to open my door by myself then there wouldn’t be this problem with intruders. She even keeps threatening to be even lazier and not open it all!

Top Twonk Head Tom

Last week She started to sing to me again. She hasn’t done that since we’ve been in this inside. The song She sang was new.

We’re all going to the boat on Monday

Boat on Monday

Boat on Monday

We’re all going to the boat on Monday

Pootle pootle poot

She and Tom looked happy. Tom tipperty tapped and sorted out cars, I don’t like cars! But if it meant returning to our old inside and them moving the outside again, I could be very happy too!

Keeping an eye on the front door from a safe distance

They talked of outsides in Tears and which they should tie up. They sorted out shopping and train fares. She even started to rip the boat curtains apart, She was that excited!

Then Top Twonk Head Tom came on the box. Their faces stopped being so happy, She stopped singing. The curtains were folded and left.


Monday came, She packed things into big bags and made them small. I tried to get in one of these but She said I wouldn’t like it in there with no air. Tom tied a car up outside. Would the journey be worth being back at the boat away from Intruders (that’s for another post) and Bogey Nosed neighbours?

Left to look after the tools

Then She said I was in charge of the house. They were going without me!! Leaving me behind! But I thought we were ALL going to the boat!!


Sheds. They seem to be thing around here. A status symbol for both humans and felines.

A perfect shed for two

Bogey nose and Betty have a shed. Damian on the otherside has a shed, but no cat to make use of it’s roof. Then for as far as a cats eye can see, there are sheds. I have two back outsides and yet I have no SHED!

Call this a SHED!

Apparently there used to be a shed, but it was taken away before it fell down. However this inside has an indoor shed! She even keeps suggesting it has two indoor sheds. I’m not convinced.

Not sunny enough

A shed needs to have a roof all of it’s own. A shed should be of a certain height. This is so that humans can walk into it and cats can jump onto it. Ideally a shed should be positioned in a sunny spot, so one can sun bathe all afternoon. A shed should be filled with interesting things, nooks and crannies that only cats can squeeze into.

I can see sheds all the way down there

My two sheds have none of these qualities. No roof. Nowhere to sit on. Nowhere to sun bathe. Bogey nose and Betty will not share theirs, even though I’ve tried, and Damian’s is a little bit too angled for sun bathing. As for things, nooks and crannies, well they are empty!

I want my own shed

How is a cat meant to assert her position and status without a Shed!

I feel the need to start a campaign.

Front Outside

For ages I’ve been looking at the Front Outside. Trees. Sideways trees. Maybe a bit of friendly cover and beer deliveries! What’s not to like about out there.

The cat shelf isn’t too good in this room, I get hot paws

So eventually She opened up the doors, to do even more painting! As Clerk of Works I was allowed to join her to make sure standards were being kept upwards. She rubbed lots, washed lots and then started to paint it and the other one. So much effort, I do hope She’s happy with it when it’s finished and the other one.

Beer! Apparently they do gluten free beer.

Loads to sniff round here. Although there are no cows, horses, or sheeps smells. But what there is, far too many cat smells!

That cross eyed cat came past, so I hissed at him. Shoes, what a daft name! Cats don’t wear shoes, if they did they wouldn’t be able to climb trees! They would inhibit our in built crampons.

Anyway. I quite like this outside even if I’ve not ventured up any of the trees yet, I’m saving that as I have a feeling this outside will be tied up for ages and ages, just like the one out the back.

The grass tastes sweet and there is stuff to dig too. Before you say it, I would never consider doing ‘That’ here, anyway I have a pooh box for that sort of thing. Best to keep it inside and away from predators.

Fence calculations

There’s a good bit of fence which should gain me access to a bit higher, I haven’t finished doing the calculations for this yet, but it’s work in progress.

Then there is a really good cat walk. It doesn’t stay flat, but it goes on for nearly as long as Oleannas. This is a good vantage point to watch the cars, vans and beer deliveries go by.

My uppy downy catwalk

From the catwalk I can just about reach the big white fly that makes noises, more calculations required to extend my stretch for this one. She says ‘it would be good if you could touch it‘ then She and Tom would know when I wanted to come in.

My catwalk’s better than yours!

Only down side is that Bogey Face Alan knows of this outside and he seems to have a catwalk too. But my catwalk is far FAR superior!

Grown UP Bicycle

When we were on Oleanna, Tom rode a bicycle every now and again. On finishing riding it he would fold it up and slot it into it’s home. Here I could sniff to smell where he’d been in the outside.

Tom at our ‘Home’ outside with his folding bicycle

This inside has a black bicycle that he folds up too. It doesn’t have a slot so seems to get moved around lots. It doesn’t smell as good as the red one does, that’s Scarboreugh for you.

Lying on it’s back, not a good sign

The other day Mountain Tom came round with a different sort of bicycle. It look broken to me, maybe even very poorly as it laid on it’s back, forks in the air. Mountain Tom gave Tom a wheel, which he soon attached, that looked better.

It is really is very big

But apparently it is still a poorly bicycle. It has had to go to hospital as it’s chain is seized and breaks need sorting before they break Tom. I tried it out for size. I think the handle bars are a touch too high for me as I can’t quite reach the peddles, maybe they can adjust this at the hospital.

It smells very different

She says it is Tom’s grown up bicycle and not for me at all! Spoil sport!! It doesn’t seem to fold up, She says that it doesn’t need too as this inside has lots of space. Apparently grown up Bicycles have their own front doors too.

A few adjustments and it will be fine

Funny Flies

So far in this inside we’ve not had any midges. She’s happy about this as just the thought of them makes her itch! Then She has to itch them, which annoys Tom, and then they itch some more.

Trying to find a route up

But what we do have is very pesky funny looking flies that sit on the walls all day, every day! Surly they should be going somewhere. But no, they just sit there, annoying me.

Pesky critters

I’ve tried to encourage them to fly, but they are adamant and just stay put. One even took hold of my claws and had me hanging for a while, luckily the cat walk was just below when finally I got free.

She says I’ll soon have no white paws left.

I’ve even tried getting this one to move from the other side. She wasn’t too pleased with me ‘barging your way past the defences‘. I have to say I’m not too keen on soot, or a damp flannel!

She says most of these flies will eventually go, especially the ones that none of us can reach easily. Two have already gone from the kitchen. Maybe they migrate like geese.

Sit Off In Scarbados

One back outside

There was I in the back outside with She. She was busy painting, AGAIN! and I was minding my own business. Reclaiming my tree, checking out the walls when Bogey Nose turns up!

The other back outside

I’d just started to explore a sideways tree and all of a sudden there he was. Short legs, a touch over weight and most certainly not as beautiful as me. He just sits there on the floor looking up at me and sniffing the air! I smelt lovely this morning having just had a half hour bath before the pen game, so what was there to sniff at?! Maybe he was having difficulty with his bogey!

Me up the sideways tree, red arrow for Tom Tom

He just sat there and sat there! Well no wonder with all that extra weight he carries. I was getting bored of being up the sideways tree, was he shifting, was he heck! She introduced us. Tilly this is Alan, Alan this is Tilly, be nice to each other. She said we had to sort it out between ourselves but please avoid the necessity of a visit to the vets. I’d really rather not go there so I suggested that he should move, politely. He must be deaf it took a hiss or two before he took the hint.

Bogey, you are in MY outside!

Then after he’d walked away he came back surprising me. Big Fat Bogey! We stood off for a while then he walked away again, jumping up onto the wall between this outside and the other, which apparently is his.

I sat on my wall, I know this because it is between my two outsides. He turned his back to me, but I kept an eye on him. We had a sit off.

Must not make eye contact

When the sit off moved around the corner to a pile of bricks and Snotty’s green fence Tom came along and picked me up. He said there’d been enough sorting it out for today.

Ghostly Goings On

She and Tom have been getting a little bit perplexed of late. Before their boating days they used to live in this inside all the time. Apparently they didn’t change the outside then either!

Watching the far away TV

In the last week or so things have started to happen, at night which never used to happen before. Some things can be put down to the house being warm again, creeks and squeaks. But other things can’t!

I’ve had a good check up the chimney, but there’s nothing to see up there either. They have blocked the bottom now, so if there is anything up there it can’t get out.

No escape from the chimney now!

There is one cupboard that they keep finding open. This is where the Tom put the new boiler in and there are handy shelves to sit on, along with an intriguing hole in the floor.

Open most mornings

They wonder whether there might be a ghost trying to get out.

There’s nothing down there

So at night I open the cupboard up and keep an eye out for it, sometimes I need to turn the light on too because so far I’ve seen no ghostly goings on.

Paul, thank you for your non findings. Maybe the ghost is steeling my blog! If it is then you won’t be able to see this. Try pulling the cord, the light usually comes on, which might help.