Are My Killing Days Over. 21st February

21st Feb 202121st Feb 2021 / pipandmick / Leave a comment

This post first appeared on http://www.oleanna.co.uk

Today is what She calls my ‘Gotcha day’. Five years ago I was quite happily clambering over the high edge of a pooh tray heading towards a scratch post, stopping to sniff and kill a mouse en route, when the She I’d been staying with picked me up and walked with me on her shoulder to the front door.

Here my She stood with a big smile on her face. I had a cuddle and a purr showed off my tail to She and her family and that was it. This was the day I became a boat cat.

Back then the back of the sofa was a good place to sit, that was when we lived on Lillian. Then on Oleanna the sofa had a secret passage behind it which only got revealed every now and again. Now we live in Scarboreugh the sofa keeps moving but always has a route behind it, which I find handy for getting to sit in the window.

Life has changed somewhat in the last five years. They no longer move the outside and there are far FAR too many other cats who visit my outside, both front and back! In the last five months I have not murdered anything! Trees are hard to come by apart from in the park and She doesn’t take me there quite as much as she used to.

However, the tree that Tom chopped down has been brought inside. I can now go through my door (when they bother to open it for me!) and climb it to my hearts content, not having to share it with every other cat in the neighbourhood. It’s quite cool and I can stand at the top and sneer at Bogey Face and Fatty Betty who don’t have their own tree.

You may think that I am now a house cat. I would disagree. I still get the same rules before I go out ‘You have an hour, no friends home dead or alive or putting them on the roof for later’. I still have to find a route that is accessible to the roof. I get ‘Thank you for coming home’ Dreamies. And quite frequently get told ‘Boat cats don’t claw furniture’ or ‘Boat cats don’t bite’. Lockdown in a house is boring so I have to find new ways to amuse myself.

The highlights of my day are at getting up time and bedtime. My birthday present from last year may have lost numerous feathers now, but it is still tops. She swings it round and I pounce from one end of the bed to the other. I stalk it and wait for it to come out from the Wardle room.

I do get to look out above the trees when She and I go to work. There is lots of this happening right now. I have been given a cushion to sit on so that I won’t try to squeeze into the model box anymore, She’s been busy making things to go inside it, they are poisonous! When we worked on Oleanna everything used to get tidied up every day and put away. Well She is now very very lazy and leaves everything out. Standards are slipping.

Tom says that three years ago She wondered what I’d make of life in a house. Well there is a lot more room to run around after visiting my pooh box and good windows to sit and look out of. But the lack of friends is the serious down side along with there being too many cats. She says that one day, hopefully soon, we’ll be back on Oleanna and they’ll be moving the outside again. We just have to get to the other side of this lockdown and the breach. So my killing days may not be over.

0 locks, 0 miles, 5 years second mate, 4 white paws, 1 white tipped tail, 5 months house bound, 1 lockdown and breach to pounce over, 3rd sofa, 1 tree of my very own, 2 cat walks, 3 cushions, 2 many cats, 0 friends, 2 lifes, 60 miles apart.

The Coal Van

9th Feb 20218th Feb 2021 / pipandmick / 3 Comments

Back in the olden days, when they used to move the outside, we used to get caught by a coal boat every now and again. Coal boats were good.

Here in modern times, with a static outside, we have a coal van. This coal van is far less efficient.

Coal boats pull up alongside. Coal vans pull up on the road outside.

Coal boat Toms put big bags of coal on your roof. Coal van Toms can’t reach the roof.

Coal boat Toms leave your coal in bags, easy to move it around and it stays dry. Coal van Toms, after walking all the way round the houses, empty their bags into a little house. They then take the bags away again.

Tom then has to go and fill up the scuttle, chasing all those lumps of coal around with a short spade, instead of just pouring lumps out of a bag.

*Coal boats also have new noses and charcoal for fires outside*

The coal boat Tom stands and chats. The coal van Tom is too out of breath to chat.

The coal boat Tom also has a hose that fills us up with diesel. The coal van Tom doesn’t and is still out of breath.

The coal boat Tom has big red bottles that Tom puts into our boats mouth. The coal van Tom doesn’t, his back aches and he has to move his van out of the way.

We know coal boat’s names, coal boat Tom’s and She’s names, and their woofer’s names. I miss coal boats.

Errrr….. Really!

23rd Jan 202122nd Jan 2021 / pipandmick / Leave a comment

Walkies!

14th Jan 202113th Jan 2021 / pipandmick / 5 Comments

She has been accusing me of being lazy, becoming institutionalised!

Well its She and Tom are the ones who have become lazy. They have given up moving the outside and have left us in Scarboreough, so what do they expect me to do other than sleep if the outside stays the same ALWAYS!

She said, Enough is enough! I want my old cat back. Hello I’m right here in front of you, when I open my eyes that is.

So the other morning she put on her coat, hat, gloves, it’s rather cold for humans right now and called me to the front door. Time to go for a walk!

Off She walked up the hill, striding forth with purpose. This way Tilly! My little long legs did their best to keep up. But hang on! Things smell too interesting to just walk on by.

She wanted to go one way, me another. She gave in and followed me. There were sideways trees and big trees all requiring a good sniff and checking out. Exploring underneath the lush green sideways trees took time. I don’t know what She was doing but I could have done with a paw under there. No, all She did was stand on the path chatting to me. Until someone came with a woofer pooh bag for the bin, She went strangely quiet then and stood back well away from them.

After a while She persuaded me that going the other way was way better, there would be fewer people. So I scooted to the next sideways tree, leaping across the little canal. Up the stairs she went. These aren’t like those inside, they are a bit muddy and don’t have carpet.

This way. This way!

Up and up She went. She was right it was better, we climbed up to as high as some of the trees, in amongst more trees. I checked them out making note as to which ones required to be climbed, there were quite a few I must say.

Then we went sideways through more trees. This was brilliant! Just like our outside walks again when on the boat. I could hear woofers above us, but they couldn’t see me, so that was fine.

However I was spotted. Spotted by crows! Blimey they are such noisy loud annoying birdies. They all swooped to be near me and shouted in my ears. No thank you I thought. I don’t care what you are saying, it’s deafening. So we quickly headed back down the hill, all those stairs. I was first to the front door, She had lagged behind so I shouted encouragement.

Apparently we’d walked half a mile. My tail really liked it.

So since then I haven’t been lazy or institutionalised, I have been proactive in asking to go for a walk every day. Tom isn’t quite so good, he isn’t quite so good at riding shot gun and keeping boss eyed Shoes away. Shoes did try to follow us the other day, but he soon wimped out as we climbed the stairs.

Another day there were lots of woofers. One with a hair clip so that it could see came right up to She and said in a really deep voice WOOF! It didn’t see me, but it was hard to miss as it was so BIG.

Another day the little canal was frozen.

She won’t let me go right to the very top of the stairs. She says that there is a woofer playground up there and it wouldn’t be good for me. She says they’d most probably gang up against me, so we won’t be going that far.

Some people see us coming, I think some people hear She chatting to me and they change their route to avoid the nutty lady. This suits me as I can carry on sniffing and selecting trees for future visits.

Trees!

31st Dec 2020 / pipandmick / 2 Comments

Over the last few weeks in Scarboreugh they have been busy. She keeps cooking and Tom has been eating what She cooks, even Mountain Tom got some! Meanwhile they only give me rubbish food! Time after time they offer me food that is substandard and then tuck into yummy smelling morsels that my instruction book said they should never Ever, EVER, EVER! feed to me!

*See NOTHING for me and they are smiling about it!*

Anyhow that is another thing, at least I won’t become as round as Bogey Face Stumpy Legs and Fatty Betty next door!

I’ve been quiet on here for a while, they keep going out without me. When they do this they turn the computers off and so far I’ve not worked out which button turns them on again! Apparently they keep going to see Oleanna and check if she’s still floating. A big hole has appeared in the side of the canal and let lots of water out, I keep offering to go and help. I’m sure I could stick my arm in it to fill the hole, but no She says I have to stay here in Scarboreugh!

So Trees. One of my favourite subjects.

In this world there are many types of trees, stemming (or should I say trunking) from the Giant Sequoia that can reach a height of 279ft , five Oleanna’s and can be nearly as wide as she is long. Quite a climb!

Then there are Bonsai trees, these are small, I can just about step over them and they certainly would not be worth lying under for shade on a hot hot day, mostly because I’d not be able to get that low.

Then there are sideways trees. You can walk along their trunks sideways having to climb over a few obstacles on your way. They serve well as boundaries, keeping woofers out of fields and on towpaths. They also offer good vantage points for finding friends below. Some grow naturally, others are encouraged by Toms.

Tom decided that he would have a go at making a tree into a sideways tree. I don’t think it was for my benefit as I quite liked my route up onto the balcony. He got a zigging zagging saw out and chopped my tree down.! He said it was undermining things and needed to go. Neighbours streets away said how cruel he was chopping my tree down.

She had to come out and help him move the bits over walls. Where it was left it then became a sideways tree. The trunk very good for scratching and the branchy bits were all over the place, but a little bit too bendy to walk along. The real downside of the new sideways tree is that Bogey Face and Fatty Betty seem to want it too! I make the most of it when I go out the back outside, that isn’t very often though.

Tom keeps chopping bits off of it with his zigging zagging saw thing. I think it would be much better if he stood it up again.

Our little tree came with us from our boat inside to the outside here. She brought it inside a while ago, she hung things from it and it got twinkly lights all over it. Now that I am a grown up boat cat I just sit alongside it and admire it’s prettyness apparently! It’s quite hard doing this at times.

She also brought home some other bits of trees. She does this every year when it’s cold. I did my best to help by quality controlling it all, only a few bits got rejected, the rest she bound together for the front door. Henry gave us some silver ribbon and Emma some star lights for it too.

The other kind of tree here is my scratch post. I like to think of it as an inside tree. It’s been getting hairyier and hairyier. For my birthday She bought me a big ball of string, which I didn’t understand. But She got a new glue gun for her birthday and the first thing She used it for was my scratch post. It took a while to uncoil the old string. But even longer to put the new string on as it got tangled no matter what She did. But now it is better than new.

So now we have a sideways tree in the back outside, a tree a little bit bigger than a bonsai on a table, bits of tree on the front door and my Scratch tree. I wonder when the Great Redwood will arrive?!

Taming The Dragon

20th Dec 202019th Dec 2020 / pipandmick / 4 Comments

A few weeks ago they moved sides. My bed got a chair all of it’s own and my escape pod was positioned on the floor, I don’t tend to use it much these days, not much water to be warry of around here.

Then something happened. Tom scrunched up paper, snapped bits of wood and filled a scuttle with coal. The coal comes to this inside in bags which the man takes away with him. I suspect it’s so that he doesn’t have to take the coal all the way up to put it on the roof, I don’t blame him as it’s not just a simple jump for me anymore like it was on the boat.

All of Tom’s actions were nothing unusual, but hang on where was the stove?! There is no stove, no door to open to feed the dragon, who lies inside waiting to breath fire. No door to close to keep the dragon safe behind the glass. Instead Tom took away a bit of black, laid the paper, sticks and coal in a whole in the wall that lay behind. Maybe houses have different breeds of dragons that need coaxing out from the chimney.

The fire was lit, then Tom spent ages trying to get the dragon to read some newspaper, taking it away every now and again. These house dragons must have had a better education. After reading a few articles the flames roared up the chimney. Still no door, just a poxy bit of mesh to hold the dragon back! Just what use was that?! Then when She and Tom came and sat on the sofa the poxy mesh was taken away!

I had to keep a very close eye on this dragon, after all it was free to come out of the wall and blow flames at us. She kept telling me to keep away from it as it might melt my whiskers. But Tom must have tamed it, he fed it every now and again and when we went to bed he put the poxy mesh back and then closed the doors to the living room.

In the morning the black was back in position, the dragon safely sleeping up the chimney, it must prefer it to be dark. It took me a few more days before I dared to sit on the catwalk above the dragon. It keeps my tail nice and warm.

She says that their Saturday newspaper might not be enough to wake the dragon every evening. I think I prefer boat dragons, they only need one lot of paper and they keep going in their little box for days, weeks, months, plus they don’t have to read it all first!

I’ve Been Busy, Okay!

10th Dec 20209th Dec 2020 / pipandmick / 1 Comment

Blimey there has been a lot to oversee in the last couple of weeks!

She finished Tom’s shed. He now has a bed in it, not that it’s any good for sleeping on as it’s covered in boxes. That sounds quite good to a cat, lots of boxes, but they are all full of things! How inconsiderate!

*Just where is a cat supposed to get comfy?!*

Tom has been sneaking up through the tall doors and appearing with more boxes, then some more, then even more! Some of these have been put in what She says could be my Shed. They make for interesting nosing around, but My Shed lacks several things. A roof to sit on and a shelf to be able to see out of the window. I’ve risen a chitty and am hoping they will get round to it in the not too distant future. Just what is the point of a shed without a view?!

Anyhow. She then started to leave the tall doors open! This is just so exciting. I’ve been waiting for this to happen for ages and ages. It started off that I was only allowed upstairs upstairs with supervision. My vision is perfectly fine, I feel it is quite super as I can see an awful lot more than She and Tom can, but they seem to think they are better at it than me. I have to humour them.

Behind the tall doors are stairs that resemble fat trees. I have no problems getting up them, but they do. They even try to bring things down them and get themselves all tied up in knots. How did this get up here? It must have come up this staircase. No this one. Tom insisted that one of the tall doors could be even taller, but She knew it couldn’t. He really should listen to her.

At first it was fantastic up there. Boxes to climb round, in and over. Wooden climbing frames too so I could get even higher! But Tom took most of the boxes away. I hoped they’d be added to my Shed, but they went all the way to the bottom and helped fill the cupboards in the kitchen.

She used a hissing thing and pulled a side off. It got all steamy up there so I left her to it. Apparently some Toms are going to come and make mess and noise. I hope they don’t take too long as I have a route to plan to the very very top of the house.

It looks good up there. I tried to get closer, but my claws didn’t work very well so I slid back down. The view is ever so good almost above the trees. From here I can see even more trees.

She washed the windows which were very urgh! She then spent even longer emptying boxes, filling other ones, moving things about. I used my supervision eyes and did my best to make sure She was doing it properly. The wooden climbing frames came in handy to get a better view of what She was up to.

Then when there was enough space for my mouse fishing rod to be spun round in the middle She gave the floor a good swish swash with water. This apparently isn’t my playroom. It is a work room. Back on Oleanna She had the table and a few cupboards that She used for work, now She has a space that the whole of Oleanna would fit into, surely I can play up there too!

Her table is big enough for the both of us, so it looks like I will still have my job as a Theatre Designers Assistant. The box that arrived the other week has now been opened to reveal ……. another box. Not an ordinary box, but one She made last year, it is very black and seems to be peeling. But if anyone can mend it She can, for now I’ll just keep it warm for her.

Many Mouths To Feed

27th Nov 202027th Nov 2020 / pipandmick / 11 Comments

My diet is minimal. Fresh biscuits for morning dingding, a pouch of something a little bit fishy for evening dingding, plus a top up of biscuits, the yellow ones are the best. During the day I sometimes snack on some friends, but recently this hasn’t been so much. Bogey Nose next door must eat at least three seagulls a day to keep his physique in top stumpy condition!

When I heard of one cat who is eating six , yes six! pouches a day, I wondered just how stumpy and fat she must be. She must be really really round. However she seems to have more than one mouth to feed.

Luna has an extra six mouths to feed as she’s had kittens. Three weeks old today!

Now I don’t like cats in general, but as all of these are black and white and a little bit like me, well … what’s not to like.

My No.1 fan, She Joa, is helping look after them all, it actually sounds like all she is doing is opening pouches of food for Luna and scooping up after her. She Joa fosters cats for the Cats Protection.

As they all get older and spend less time devouring milk they will need toys and things to keep them occupied. My birthday present this year was really really good so I might just get them one of those and maybe some Dreamies for Mum, Luna, I think she deserves some.

*Figaro and Bill. Look at those pink paw pads*

If you fancy giving them a little something too She says they have a wish list that you can buy from. Swale Cats Protection Wish List and get them sent to Joa Savage’s Gift Registry Address.

I wonder if any of them will become boat cats? She’d quite like Otter, but he hasn’t got a white tipped tail so he’s not allowed on my boat.

Wet Neck!

21st Nov 202021st Nov 2020 / pipandmick / 1 Comment

The other morning I was just sitting minding my own business, waiting for the front window to be opened when She comes along and picks me up, I’m not a great one for a cuddle even if She’d like me to be.

Normally I am lifted off the ground because She doesn’t want me there, I’m about to be put behind a closed door for some bazaar reason, shopping arriving, chats on the doorstep. Then there are the other times. When I get put on a table!

This time my collar and cat tags were removed. Not a good sign in the slightest. I do my best to scrunch up my shoulders so there can’t be a patch of skin visible anywhere on my body, especially in the keenly sought after shoulder blades, back of neck area. But She continues to try to part my fur as I squirm and wriggle.

The battle continues for quite a few minutes until She feels She has succeeded.

No matter what I do I can’t quite get to my wet neck. My fur tingles and this feeling gradually creeps across the whole of my body. Scratching the offending area doesn’t seem to help, but I continue to do it. My legs shrink and seem to be doing an impersonation of Bogey nose stumpy Alan only more so.

Even though She’s been evil to me, I like to stay close, incase She says it was a mistake and takes back the horrible tingly cold stuff. But She doesn’t. She never does.

The only good thing about my situation is I get to be very very quiet for a couple of days. No cat tags means no bell and I can sneak up behind them and give them a jump. She says there are more advantages like not getting fleas or ticks. But I thought ticks were good things and quite often come along with a gold star.

Outerconnections

14th Nov 202013th Nov 2020 / pipandmick / Leave a comment

Tilly Too and I have been wandering about things for a while, mostly about outsides. This inside has two outsides, one at the front and the other out the back. The other day a Tom came with a very wet brush. He swept the front windows, leaving them all very very wet. But then a short while later he appeared in the back outside and gave the windows there a wet sweep too. How did he do that? Get from the front to the back without using the inside?!

For obvious reasons (Bogey nose stumpy Alan) I far prefer the front outside. She now opens up a window so that I can come and go as I like most days. My intake of Dreamies is increasing nicely!

Quite often Shoes is about so has to be sneaked past, but sometimes he spots me and this necessitates a quick dash back in through the window. He’s no where near as quick as me.

Shoes got shooed away the other day, She wasn’t too pleased with him scratching at the lawn. We all knew why he was scratching at it, She thinks it was in protest at having a new neighbour, me! Tom now has to be careful where he treads when cutting the grass, so as not to step in anything. She thinks they should have a word with Shoes She or Tom as the protests he leaves are not of the right consistency. Tilly Too has been posted to keep an eye on him.

*Tilly Too keeping guard of the front lawn*

Anyway. The other day I was quite busy out the front exploring and had a wander down the hill a bit. A gap between the other insides (which I’m not allowed in) showed itself, so as I was curious I went for a little look. Well blimey all these insides all have front and back outsides. Soon I realised that it was a little bit familiar. Then the next one was a lot familiar, it was my back outside. I had found an outerconnection!

Tom spotted me and opened up the back door, it’s handy having staff. Now could someone PLEASE go and close that window, it’s getting cold in here!

Mrs Tilly

The World According To Tilly

Author: pipandmick