Jabs, Drugs and a Pedicure

She and Tom have had their first jabs, they have to wait for ages to get their second one. I, being a cat had my first jab several years ago, my second followed just a couple of weeks later. Every year they take me for a top up, I wonder if they will get annual top ups too? I how ever didn’t get a sticker!

Cat Caravan

This was a bit different to last year. She brought out a cat caravan. This is different to my escape pod, not as nice and cosy, in fact the caravan is quite spacious inside and my arms fit through the front door. Then we headed off in the fast car, not too far, but far enough.

Here a She with a windscreen came to talk to She. No problems this year, I’m a boat cat at heart and would be requiring the best possible worm and flee treatment for a year please. Only the best for me!

A years worth

Windscreen She took me inside, listened to things, had a look at my teary eye and my teeth gave me a weigh and then my jab. I was returned to She and Tom, I was a little bit lighter than last year, well someone had to make up for the weight they’ve put on in lockdown! She then asked Windscreen She if travelling by car could be made less stressful for me, a suggestion was made and a leaflet added to my drugs stash. Off we went again and soon got back to the house thank goodness.

Monthly!!!

She was very happy until she noticed something about some of the boxes. There were four of them, but each one contained three flee treatments! She thinks I will hate her for ever!

I checked out my passport. This usually means I am granted shore leave for the next year. But She suggested that this year it also meant something else, that I would get to leave the shore behind! Maybe I’m going to be a boat cat again.

All stamped and correct

A couple of days later my food started tasting a little bit different, not bad, just different. Maybe this was a different flavour of poultry. I only eat poultry, fish is so last month!

Yesterday I was left in charge of the house with an extra early dingding. Then I was on my own, it got dark, it got light and I was still all on my own.

After twenty or so naps the front door opened. She and Tom were home. I was really pleased to see them and told them all about it. I kept telling them and then some more. That fishfinger sandwich smelled nice too, so I told them about that. All I wanted was head nudges and maybe a snack or two. She was a bit puzzled, why was I acting so oddly?

Could these be the culpret?

I didn’t know, I just wanted another stroke, some more Dreamies, I had the munchies! Then She looked at me all concerned. She sat and talked to me, was I okay? Did I feel odd? Well I told her but I know she didn’t understand! So I told her again.

She rang to talk to Windscreen She’s friend. I shouldn’t have anymore of the extra calming pills, these were making me not calm apparently and making me twitch! She would talk to her friend and see what was to be done.

Tom and She were being very busy, so I chatted to them all the time. I was told off when I tried dismantling the dishwasher! Chat chat chat, it got me some very nice cuddles that I don’t normally like, but today they were good.

She here. The nurse rang me back, apparently the Zylkene is totally natural and would have no side effects. I should keep giving them to Tilly until she’s had her car journey, but why was she getting shaky a little bit tremorish every now and then? I could take her in for a check up. So I booked an appointment. For the rest of the afternoon I had a hyper shadow where ever I went, constantly shouting at me. Well I had to tell her everything, right from the beginning, except I couldn’t quite remember where the beginning was!

The caravan came out again, I complained all the way to see Windscreen She. She and She chatted whilst I chatted to Tom in the car, then I went in. I had a full medical, everything checked over. Windscreen She left me to chat with She, saying I was a bit of a jumpy cat and that my teary eye maybe needed some ointment. She then came back to see me, we chatted and had a bit of a pampering session, I got a pedicure. Apparently even though I have my own inside tree I’m not climbing enough to do this myself. I just hope Windscreen She hasn’t trimmed my claws too much to inhibit my climbing skills.

A little something for my eye

If I wasn’t showing any sign of improvement tomorrow She should bring me back, maybe for a face pack! Apparently I wasn’t as chatty in the car on the way back. I was allowed a cushion next to She on the table and snoozed the rest of the evening, I was a bit warn out after all that chatting.

She has decided to go against Windscreen She’s advice and that today I won’t have any of my calming drug to see if that calms me down. She says it was as if I’d had three expressos or smoked the biggest spliff and the dishwasher really couldn’t take that much attention over the next week.

Low Fog

A real pea sooper!

Apparently the blind was stuck, so they couldn’t see. Surely that is the point of a blind, not being able to see? They got a new blind anyway and put it up.

But it’s clear up there

Now I could see that Tom could see something, but all I got was fog. Low lying fog.

Think my legs need to grow so that I can be taller and see over it.

Sunshine Stealer!

With the lovely warmer weather recently I’ve been spending a bit of time in the front outside. Here the gravel and paving get lovely and warm in the morning, great for stretching out on.

When She and I break for daytime dingding She comes outside with me to help soak up some sun, there’s been lots of it so plenty to go round. She sits on the wall and I have a good old sniff round, the occasional rearrangement of gravel and consider if the front flower bed would be suitably safe to make a deposit.

All wonderful…..

Until…….

Excuse me that’s my sunshine!

Shitty Shoes turns up!

Tom sprinkled something on the grass the other day which seems to have stopped Shitty Shoes from leaving his squishy deposits on the grass. Now that it smells much nicer out there, Shoes has decided to use up some of our sunshine!

Well I’m not having that!

Bum wiggle required

I chased him away several times and then settled back into rearranging the gravel. Then that smell returned, he was hiding behind the wall stealing sunshine again.

Back again!

He just doesn’t bat an eye lid, well his eyes are skew wiff, so it might just be hard for him. I ask him politely to shift. Go and find his own sunny outside. This doesn’t work. So I add a bum wiggle and a charge, this seems to work and he heads off down the street.

But then he reappears and sits in the shade under one of our benches! Just WHAT is the point of that!!

Sling your hook mate!

She thinks he’s either stupid or just wants to be near me. I think he is a very rude cat and all he actually wants is bits of dingding! He’s obviously been brought up by people who didn’t have the instruction book. ‘Never, ever, ever, ever give your cat human food’.

Are you deaf too!?

I have been brought up properly. Squinty eyed squitty bummed Shoes most certainly hasn’t!

Pink Fishy

Dear Tilly,

Due to a national shortage of dog and cat food pouches, we’re sorry if you’re not able to find your usual product at Sainsbury’s. We’re working hard to resolve this. We think the issue will be ongoing through the year, but we hope to get them back onto shelves as quickly as possible.

Sainsbury’s

WHAT!!!!

I can’t eat anything other than pink fishy food! Don’t they understand!

She says I used to like blue meaty food. Tom says I wouldn’t notice if they changed it to one with a fancier name. Little does he know how long I can last just on yellow biscuits.

They have tried, though. Tom struggled back from the shops a few weeks ago with a big box of pink fishy, but they soon went. Then they hunted round on the internet and found some.

Tilly 2 keeping an watch for the man with his van

These had to be delivered by a man in a van, all very exciting, 2 big boxes just for me! She and Tom sighed a sigh of relief. She said ‘that will last her three months’.

Pink food!

Salmon just isn’t what it used to be, neither is whitefish. Tuna and Coley are okay I suppose. Maybe I fancy something a little bit different. Maybe some chicken, or duck!

Didn’t I tell you, I don’t like fish anymore!

‘Grrrrrr!’

Are My Killing Days Over. 21st February

This post first appeared on http://www.oleanna.co.uk

Hello!

Today is what She calls my ‘Gotcha day’. Five years ago I was quite happily clambering over the high edge of a pooh tray heading towards a scratch post, stopping to sniff and kill a mouse en route, when the She I’d been staying with picked me up and walked with me on her shoulder to the front door.

I was little then

Here my She stood with a big smile on her face. I had a cuddle and a purr showed off my tail to She and her family and that was it. This was the day I became a boat cat.

It’s such a hard life

Back then the back of the sofa was a good place to sit, that was when we lived on Lillian. Then on Oleanna the sofa had a secret passage behind it which only got revealed every now and again. Now we live in Scarboreugh the sofa keeps moving but always has a route behind it, which I find handy for getting to sit in the window.

Toms boating coat

Life has changed somewhat in the last five years. They no longer move the outside and there are far FAR too many other cats who visit my outside, both front and back! In the last five months I have not murdered anything! Trees are hard to come by apart from in the park and She doesn’t take me there quite as much as she used to.

Out in the park

However, the tree that Tom chopped down has been brought inside. I can now go through my door (when they bother to open it for me!) and climb it to my hearts content, not having to share it with every other cat in the neighbourhood. It’s quite cool and I can stand at the top and sneer at Bogey Face and Fatty Betty who don’t have their own tree.

MY tree

You may think that I am now a house cat. I would disagree. I still get the same rules before I go out ‘You have an hour, no friends home dead or alive or putting them on the roof for later’. I still have to find a route that is accessible to the roof. I get ‘Thank you for coming home’ Dreamies. And quite frequently get told ‘Boat cats don’t claw furniture’ or ‘Boat cats don’t bite’. Lockdown in a house is boring so I have to find new ways to amuse myself.

The highlights of my day are at getting up time and bedtime. My birthday present from last year may have lost numerous feathers now, but it is still tops. She swings it round and I pounce from one end of the bed to the other. I stalk it and wait for it to come out from the Wardle room.

I do get to look out above the trees when She and I go to work. There is lots of this happening right now. I have been given a cushion to sit on so that I won’t try to squeeze into the model box anymore, She’s been busy making things to go inside it, they are poisonous! When we worked on Oleanna everything used to get tidied up every day and put away. Well She is now very very lazy and leaves everything out. Standards are slipping.

Tut Tut Tut!

Tom says that three years ago She wondered what I’d make of life in a house. Well there is a lot more room to run around after visiting my pooh box and good windows to sit and look out of. But the lack of friends is the serious down side along with there being too many cats. She says that one day, hopefully soon, we’ll be back on Oleanna and they’ll be moving the outside again. We just have to get to the other side of this lockdown and the breach. So my killing days may not be over.

Dreaming of Boats!

0 locks, 0 miles, 5 years second mate, 4 white paws, 1 white tipped tail, 5 months house bound, 1 lockdown and breach to pounce over, 3rd sofa, 1 tree of my very own, 2 cat walks, 3 cushions, 2 many cats, 0 friends, 2 lifes, 60 miles apart.

The Coal Van

Waiting for the coal van

Back in the olden days, when they used to move the outside, we used to get caught by a coal boat every now and again. Coal boats were good.

Here in modern times, with a static outside, we have a coal van. This coal van is far less efficient.

Coal boats pull up alongside. Coal vans pull up on the road outside.

Coal boat Toms put big bags of coal on your roof. Coal van Toms can’t reach the roof.

Coal house

Coal boat Toms leave your coal in bags, easy to move it around and it stays dry. Coal van Toms, after walking all the way round the houses, empty their bags into a little house. They then take the bags away again.

Tom then has to go and fill up the scuttle, chasing all those lumps of coal around with a short spade, instead of just pouring lumps out of a bag.

Coal boats also have new noses and charcoal for fires outside

The coal boat Tom stands and chats. The coal van Tom is too out of breath to chat.

The coal boat Tom also has a hose that fills us up with diesel. The coal van Tom doesn’t and is still out of breath.

NB Dusty

The coal boat Tom has big red bottles that Tom puts into our boats mouth. The coal van Tom doesn’t, his back aches and he has to move his van out of the way.

Look there’s Ruth She and Paddy Tom

We know coal boat’s names, coal boat Tom’s and She’s names, and their woofer’s names. I miss coal boats.

Walkies!

She has been accusing me of being lazy, becoming institutionalised!

Well its She and Tom are the ones who have become lazy. They have given up moving the outside and have left us in Scarboreough, so what do they expect me to do other than sleep if the outside stays the same ALWAYS!

Hello! I’m right here!!

She said, Enough is enough! I want my old cat back. Hello I’m right here in front of you, when I open my eyes that is.

So the other morning she put on her coat, hat, gloves, it’s rather cold for humans right now and called me to the front door. Time to go for a walk!

Off She walked up the hill, striding forth with purpose. This way Tilly! My little long legs did their best to keep up. But hang on! Things smell too interesting to just walk on by.

What’s that?

She wanted to go one way, me another. She gave in and followed me. There were sideways trees and big trees all requiring a good sniff and checking out. Exploring underneath the lush green sideways trees took time. I don’t know what She was doing but I could have done with a paw under there. No, all She did was stand on the path chatting to me. Until someone came with a woofer pooh bag for the bin, She went strangely quiet then and stood back well away from them.

Are you sure it’s better that way?

After a while She persuaded me that going the other way was way better, there would be fewer people. So I scooted to the next sideways tree, leaping across the little canal. Up the stairs she went. These aren’t like those inside, they are a bit muddy and don’t have carpet.

This way. This way!

Up and up She went. She was right it was better, we climbed up to as high as some of the trees, in amongst more trees. I checked them out making note as to which ones required to be climbed, there were quite a few I must say.

Stairs

Then we went sideways through more trees. This was brilliant! Just like our outside walks again when on the boat. I could hear woofers above us, but they couldn’t see me, so that was fine.

More stairs

However I was spotted. Spotted by crows! Blimey they are such noisy loud annoying birdies. They all swooped to be near me and shouted in my ears. No thank you I thought. I don’t care what you are saying, it’s deafening. So we quickly headed back down the hill, all those stairs. I was first to the front door, She had lagged behind so I shouted encouragement.

Plenty of trees

Apparently we’d walked half a mile. My tail really liked it.

So since then I haven’t been lazy or institutionalised, I have been proactive in asking to go for a walk every day. Tom isn’t quite so good, he isn’t quite so good at riding shot gun and keeping boss eyed Shoes away. Shoes did try to follow us the other day, but he soon wimped out as we climbed the stairs.

Another day there were lots of woofers. One with a hair clip so that it could see came right up to She and said in a really deep voice WOOF! It didn’t see me, but it was hard to miss as it was so BIG.

Me and She

Another day the little canal was frozen.

She won’t let me go right to the very top of the stairs. She says that there is a woofer playground up there and it wouldn’t be good for me. She says they’d most probably gang up against me, so we won’t be going that far.

Some people see us coming, I think some people hear She chatting to me and they change their route to avoid the nutty lady. This suits me as I can carry on sniffing and selecting trees for future visits.

It’s good here

Trees!

Over the last few weeks in Scarboreugh they have been busy. She keeps cooking and Tom has been eating what She cooks, even Mountain Tom got some! Meanwhile they only give me rubbish food! Time after time they offer me food that is substandard and then tuck into yummy smelling morsels that my instruction book said they should never Ever, EVER, EVER! feed to me!

See NOTHING for me and they are smiling about it!

Anyhow that is another thing, at least I won’t become as round as Bogey Face Stumpy Legs and Fatty Betty next door!

Just how does this turn on!?!

I’ve been quiet on here for a while, they keep going out without me. When they do this they turn the computers off and so far I’ve not worked out which button turns them on again! Apparently they keep going to see Oleanna and check if she’s still floating. A big hole has appeared in the side of the canal and let lots of water out, I keep offering to go and help. I’m sure I could stick my arm in it to fill the hole, but no She says I have to stay here in Scarboreugh!

Maybe I should start a vlog

So Trees. One of my favourite subjects.

Big trees!

In this world there are many types of trees, stemming (or should I say trunking) from the Giant Sequoia that can reach a height of 279ft , five Oleanna’s and can be nearly as wide as she is long. Quite a climb!

Not much to write home about

Then there are Bonsai trees, these are small, I can just about step over them and they certainly would not be worth lying under for shade on a hot hot day, mostly because I’d not be able to get that low.

Sideways trees in preparation

Then there are sideways trees. You can walk along their trunks sideways having to climb over a few obstacles on your way. They serve well as boundaries, keeping woofers out of fields and on towpaths. They also offer good vantage points for finding friends below. Some grow naturally, others are encouraged by Toms.

Tom decided that he would have a go at making a tree into a sideways tree. I don’t think it was for my benefit as I quite liked my route up onto the balcony. He got a zigging zagging saw out and chopped my tree down.! He said it was undermining things and needed to go. Neighbours streets away said how cruel he was chopping my tree down.

She had to come out and help him move the bits over walls. Where it was left it then became a sideways tree. The trunk very good for scratching and the branchy bits were all over the place, but a little bit too bendy to walk along. The real downside of the new sideways tree is that Bogey Face and Fatty Betty seem to want it too! I make the most of it when I go out the back outside, that isn’t very often though.

Tom keeps chopping bits off of it with his zigging zagging saw thing. I think it would be much better if he stood it up again.

Our little tree came with us from our boat inside to the outside here. She brought it inside a while ago, she hung things from it and it got twinkly lights all over it. Now that I am a grown up boat cat I just sit alongside it and admire it’s prettyness apparently! It’s quite hard doing this at times.

She also brought home some other bits of trees. She does this every year when it’s cold. I did my best to help by quality controlling it all, only a few bits got rejected, the rest she bound together for the front door. Henry gave us some silver ribbon and Emma some star lights for it too.

The other kind of tree here is my scratch post. I like to think of it as an inside tree. It’s been getting hairyier and hairyier. For my birthday She bought me a big ball of string, which I didn’t understand. But She got a new glue gun for her birthday and the first thing She used it for was my scratch post. It took a while to uncoil the old string. But even longer to put the new string on as it got tangled no matter what She did. But now it is better than new.

Sccratch!

So now we have a sideways tree in the back outside, a tree a little bit bigger than a bonsai on a table, bits of tree on the front door and my Scratch tree. I wonder when the Great Redwood will arrive?!

Taming The Dragon

A few weeks ago they moved sides. My bed got a chair all of it’s own and my escape pod was positioned on the floor, I don’t tend to use it much these days, not much water to be warry of around here.

Then something happened. Tom scrunched up paper, snapped bits of wood and filled a scuttle with coal. The coal comes to this inside in bags which the man takes away with him. I suspect it’s so that he doesn’t have to take the coal all the way up to put it on the roof, I don’t blame him as it’s not just a simple jump for me anymore like it was on the boat.

Snapped bits of wood

All of Tom’s actions were nothing unusual, but hang on where was the stove?! There is no stove, no door to open to feed the dragon, who lies inside waiting to breath fire. No door to close to keep the dragon safe behind the glass. Instead Tom took away a bit of black, laid the paper, sticks and coal in a whole in the wall that lay behind. Maybe houses have different breeds of dragons that need coaxing out from the chimney.

Poxy mesh

The fire was lit, then Tom spent ages trying to get the dragon to read some newspaper, taking it away every now and again. These house dragons must have had a better education. After reading a few articles the flames roared up the chimney. Still no door, just a poxy bit of mesh to hold the dragon back! Just what use was that?! Then when She and Tom came and sat on the sofa the poxy mesh was taken away!

Risky move by Tom!

I had to keep a very close eye on this dragon, after all it was free to come out of the wall and blow flames at us. She kept telling me to keep away from it as it might melt my whiskers. But Tom must have tamed it, he fed it every now and again and when we went to bed he put the poxy mesh back and then closed the doors to the living room.

In the morning the black was back in position, the dragon safely sleeping up the chimney, it must prefer it to be dark. It took me a few more days before I dared to sit on the catwalk above the dragon. It keeps my tail nice and warm.

She says that their Saturday newspaper might not be enough to wake the dragon every evening. I think I prefer boat dragons, they only need one lot of paper and they keep going in their little box for days, weeks, months, plus they don’t have to read it all first!

That’s better